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Top 5 Dating Mistakes Even The Smartest Women Make.
Mistakes do happen in all aspects of life including dating. There are dating mistakes women make that ruin their chances of finding the quality man they’re looking for.
There are dating experiences of hundreds of ambitious women and their accompanied actions that they’re doing that are destroying their chances of getting into a committed relationship with a high-quality man.
Let’s jump right into the five mistakes you can completely avoid them and be more attractive to higher quality men.
1. Constantly seeking validation from men
Constantly looking for validation from a man to say he’s attracted to you or he likes you or you know some other form of compliment. They need that external validation from other people in order to feel fulfilled.
Inherently that neediness, that person-seeking validation is unattractive to men. Listen ladies. We like you exactly the way you are.
Men are actually looking to pursue someone who doesn’t need their validation. They’re looking to pursue someone who is getting on with her life and enjoying the process. You’re very comfortable, you’re very happy with your life with or without him. That’s super attractive to men.
You should know that you’ve got incredible values. You’ve got a great social circle that you are on your path to becoming the person that you are meant to be. You are doing the things that you’re passionate about and you don’t need that external validation.
If a man wants to apply to be a part of your life if he wants to join your train of glory, great! But if he’s not interested it’s like the train is stopping. It’s not like the train is getting derailed you are still on that path and you don’t need that validation to stay on your path of glory.
Constantly seeking and needing him to like you for you to feel fulfilled, it’s going to be an instant turnoff to any high quality man. You’re ultimately not going to end up attracting the types of guys that you really truly want to attract.
2. Falling into the change trap
Now the change trap is basically a mental trap in your brain that makes you think that a man is going to change his ways or that you can do something to change a man. It’s one of the biggest dating mistakes women make.
You cannot change us, only we can.
Maybe you’ve thought “oh well you know he was single before and you know he made a mistake and he’s definitely going to change.” Nope it’s likely never going to happen. Now you know the ultimate pathway to a real healthy relationship is acceptance.
Every person wants to be accepted for who we are, including the man you’re dating. All of our good and all of our flaws. We don’t want people to try to change us.
Know that your partner is going to be the same way. No one truly wants to be changed and the truth of the matter is you don’t have the power to change anyone. You don’t have that level of control that he’s just going to change.
Now what you can do and this is the best thing to do is to hold boundaries. The fact that you cannot change him does not mean you should accept negative behavior. That’s not what I’m talking about.
Accepting him for who he is doesn’t mean that you should allow him to treat you negatively. It just means that you can’t expect that you’re going to be able to change him or that behavior.
But you can set boundaries for him and say this is what I will or I won’t put up with because you can only control yourself.
You can’t make him do anything so hold on to your boundaries but don’t fall into the trap of trying to change someone or expecting that they’re going to change, if they themselves are not willing to make the effort to change.
Can people or he change? Absolutely! But when we begin to hold expectations that they’re going to change to be someone we were expecting because now you’re in his life, that’s when we get into trouble.
That’s when the drama starts.
The real solution is in having your own boundaries and being willing to walk away from him when he’s not treating you in the way that you deserve to be treated.
Don’t spend too much time and energy trying to change them.
3. Laying down your commitment card too soon.
The third top dating mistake you can make is laying down your commitment card too soon. Now by commitment card I don’t just mean sex. What I really mean is showing a man that you are committed to him and only him a little bit too soon before he’s actually proven himself to you.
When I say proven himself it means as I said before there should be a high standard that you have for yourself. That you have for allowing the people into your life, allowing yourself to get into a relationship.
There should be a standard. I’m not saying stupidly play hard to get. That’s not my point.
There should be that red velvet rope that a man has to pass through and in order to do that he has to reciprocate. There has to be some form of partnership and if you lay down your commitment card too soon when he hasn’t truly proven to you that he’s any of these:
- he’s fully committed,
- or that he’s fully interested,
- or that he’s pulling his weight,
- or that he’s being considerate and caring and showing you all of the character traits that you truly deserve.
If he hasn’t done that and you’re already laying down the commitment card, you’re pretty much ending the possibility of the relationship progressing.
By doing that you’re essentially letting him know that your standards are low and that he can treat you in a certain way and you’re still going to commit to him and you’ve basically trained him that he doesn’t have to treat you in the way that you deserve to be treated.
We train people how they should treat us through our own boundaries. If you let him know that he’s the one and he hasn’t fully proven to you or shown you, it’s just setting yourself up for failure.
4. Being an over-giver
An over-giver can sometimes be referred to as a sponge supporter. Now we all know a sponge is someone that takes and takes and takes. They suck up all the time and never never give back.
If you keep accommodating his behaviors and whatever he might be going through and he doesn’t reciprocate, then he is sponge and you don’t want to support that behavior.
I remember I had a client and she would always do such sweet things for her boyfriend. She would get him incredible and thoughtful birthday presents, she would go shopping and she would get food that he liked or cook it for him. When they were done eating she would be the one that would clean stuff up and she would just kept giving giving and giving to him.
Flip the script. When it was time for her birthday either he would forget or you know he would give her a card. Just a card. Maybe take her out to a dinner but for the most part he would just say oh I’m not really a gift guy.
Or you know when it came to going shopping he just said you know I just I hate going to the grocery store.
If the person you’re dating is not at least reciprocating your efforts in the relationship, and you’re the one always giving, it’s a big dating mistake.
It may be that they have a difficult schedule, but they have to have time for you. Maybe their schedule doesn’t fully match with yours and you find that you’re always accommodating their schedule, you’re always traveling to them.
Or they’re always coming to your house and using your stuff and eating your food and they’re just never repaying. You know it’s important to make sure that their actions are reciprocal that they’re just not the constant sponge, that they are pulling their weight because a relationship is a partnership.
It takes two so if you just give and give and give you are a sponge supporter and that is a dating mistake that you can make because nobody wants to be in a committed lifelong relationship with a sponge. It never works and someone is always unhappy.
5.Listening to your emotional lies
The final mistake you can make is listening to your emotional lies. In any relationship when we’re in it we feel such strong emotions sometimes it can even feel like a roller-coaster.
Unfortunately when we feel strong emotions we can attach meaning to certain things that happen. So we can almost morph the meaning of things and that’s not always helpful because when we attach meaning we can sometimes sway the reality of the situation.
It’s important not always to listen to your emotional lies but to start to look at things objectively.
One of the best ways to look at your relationship more objectively is ask yourself the question: “What if he treated the woman that I value most in this world this way?” Would that be okay? Would I want that for her?
When we begin to step outside of the relationship and replace ourselves with the woman that we value and care about most in the world, it really changes our perspective. And why shouldn’t we treat or act in the same way that we would want the person we value most in the world to be treated or to act?
When we do that it puts everything in a perspective and it helps us to get outside of our emotional lives.
So the five dating mistakes women make are, once again:
- being a validation vulture
- falling into the change trap
- laying down your commitment card too soon
- being a sponge supporter and
- listening to your emotional lies.
If you can avoid these five mistakes you can much more easily get into that committed relationship and avoid sabotaging a truly high-quality connection.