What Do Women REALLY Want in a Man?

So, what really do women want in a man but are not saying it out loud? Or maybe not loud enough? It may not even be what she tells you she wants. So men, if you’ve ever reflected on the question “what do women want” and didn’t get a clear answer, here are your answers today, from a woman.

This is because it’s not always what she says she wants. In fact Charles Orlando made a great statement in attempting to answer the question of what do women want in a relationship with a man. He said:

Some men think women want money, cars, and gifts. But the right woman wants a man’s time, effort, passion, honesty, loyalty, smile and him choosing to put her as his priority

 Yes the money is important, the cars are nice and gifts are all beautiful but what do women actually respond to? What is it that turns women on? What is attractive to her in a man or in any relationship?

So in this article I’m going to give you 12 traits that any man can develop to become more attractive to the woman in your life or the one the hoping to attract.

So of course there are all the hypergamy type things that women want but here are the underlying root traits that women actually look for that shows up in things like money, success and all that stuff I mentioned earlier.

What Do Women Want? 12 Non-Physical Traits To Win Her Heart.

1. A Man Who Can Stand Up to Her

A woman wants wants a man who can stand up to her. Here is a very true quote from Mark Groves:

If you don’t stand up to her, she won’t believe you’ll stand up for her.

Put in another way, if you can’t stand up to a woman you can’t stand up for a woman. So you have to be able to stand up to her so she can trust that you can stand up for her when the need arises.

Now I’m not talking about feminism and working women. That’s for another discussion but for now, keep this in mind because it’s true.

2. A Man Who Can Say ‘No’ to Her

Along those lines of standing up to her is a man who can actually say no to her. This is really important because a man who can say no is not going to be a Mr Nice.

You know the guy who’s passively aggressively manipulating her by being nice and agreeing with her all the time to try and get what he wants. If you can say no to a woman then she will trust that your ‘yeses’ are authentic.

3. An Authentic  Man

What do women want in a man is being authentic and sincere. This means that sometimes you’ll agree and sometimes you won’t agree with her so she can actually trust that what you’re telling her is true.

What does a woman need to feel safe? She needs to be able to feel safe emotionally and this means she needs to be able to trust your words and actions.

4. Congruence

This is not be confused with consistency. She wants some consistency in terms of emotional maturity but she also wants some spontaneity in terms of action and activities in the relationship.

What I mean by congruence is that what you speak of, what you say matches up with your actions. For example if you say that you just want to go out and spend a night with the guys but you stay home with her because she was all cranky about that, that’s incongruent. 

You want to do something but you’re folding like a paper napkin because it upsets her a little bit. This is not cool.

And as well if you say certain things but then act in ways that disprove those words then again she can’t trust you that you’re strong enough within yourself to know that you can accept, handle and deal with the consequences of your commitments to yourself. This brings to trait number 5…

5. You’re Secure Within Yourself

Women want a man who is comfortable in his own skin and you don’t need to compromise yourself to please her.

Now this doesn’t mean that you never please her; of course you have to especially in the bedroom but you need to be able to say no again and not adjust your standards of who you are just because she might be asking for something often times it’s simply a test anyway.

You do not need to apologize for you are.

6. You Ask for What You Want

Again along the same lines of being secure in yourself is that you ask for what you want.  You don’t make demands necessarily if it goes against her beliefs or value systems but you don’t compromise your own standards or your own value system either. 

So if there’s a disagreement or if there’s some area of conflict, you’re not going to fold and stand up for what you believe just because you want to please her.

If it’s something that’s important to you, you’ll stand firm even if it means losing her. She needs you to be her rock, knowing that you can be able to stand behind her and she can count on you at all times.

 

7. Be the Leader

The next thing that women want in a man is that she needs you to be able to lead the relationship. And part of that includes making decisions, usually tough decisions. 

So you’re not always going to make decisions that she’s happy with. You may have to actually make compromises that she may not completely agree with but you’re the leader. That’s what happens in relationships even in the courting stage. 

She needs to know that you can lead the relationship. She wants you to see her as an equal partner. She doesn’t necessarily want to be completely submissive.

Actually most women nowadays will balk at that word but she needs you to lead in and out of the bedroom. And she needs to trust that you can lead in a way that makes her feel safe and that she doesn’t want to be your mommy.

8. Men Who Ask for Clarification

Women want and actually need a man who will ask for clarification when something is not clear and not make assumptions. Men are notorious for making assumptions and mind reading. 

Women are bad at that but true. It’s just the way we’re made. So don’t be a woman. If she’s in a relationship with you it means that she doesn’t another woman. 

So don’t make assumptions. Ask, clarify and then go from there. Don’t be a mind reader that’s not that’s just being weak and passive and sometimes passive aggressive.

9. Have Your Own Opinions

We’re still answering the question… what do women want in a man. Let’s move on. Women want and need a man who has their own opinions and doesn’t always agree with them.

Again if you can trust that you don’t have to always agree then she can trust that what you’re saying is true and real even if and especially if what you’re saying is something she’s not gonna like.

This is  because you’re gonna have to deal with her not liking that and whatever reaction that creates in her hopefully she’ll be mature about it. But if she’s not then you’re gonna deal with that.

10. Men Who Don’t Need Them

Now this one’s a biggie actually and even though you know it’s all romantic to think that this isn’t true. On the contrary it actually is. 

Women respond best, want men who don’t need them.

So you want her, you desire her but you don’t need her to make you feel complete. Your life is going to be just fine without her.

If you can do this, if you can feel this, where you know that she’s a benefit in your world but she’s not a necessity, she’ll feel this from you.

She’ll trust that you’re there because you want to be, not because you need to be. Also not because you don’t have better options, not because you just can’t do it without her or any woman. You’re not weak and needy. What women want is this kind of strength which brings me to my next point of what women want in a man.

11: Alpha Masculinity

A lot has been written on alpha masculinity so I’m not going to bore you with any technical jargon here on alpha masculinity or how to be vulnerable while still being alpha and masculine.

Essentially what you need to know about this is that:

• She wants you to be strong.
• She wants you to be a man.
• She wants you to be a leader.
• She wants you to be alpha male.
• She doesn’t want you to be an A-hole. 

So unless she’s emotionally damaged that’s the only those are the only category of women who are going out with the real bad boys, players and jerks.

They’re not worth getting because they’re just going to be high maintenance and if you’re even decent to them they’re going to ditch you. 

Why? Because that’s what their equilibrium is: chaos. They can’t be with someone who is actually good to them or for them.

So if you need to be a complete jerk to be with a girl then she’s probably not going to be a keeper.

A lot nice guys think that they have to be a jerk or they have to be a player or a bad boy because women do respond to the qualities in bad boys and players and jerks.

Not all the qualities but the qualities that are on this list of what women want in a man. Those people bad boys, players, jerks will also have all of these qualities.

However the intention behind them isn’t about self-security. It’s about selfishness. Players, jerks, bad boys are selfish whereas a solid good-hearted, strong alpha man just is secure within himself. He doesn’t need to be a jerk to be able to display all of these qualities.

12. Be Willing to Walk Away

Yes, women want a man who is always be willing to walk away. She needs to know that you’re there because you want to be not because you need to be. Not because you need her but because you value her and that she brings value to the table.

If she knows and you know within yourself, you don’t even have to express it especially if you display these other traits, that if you know that you’re always willing to walk away from the deal if the deal starts to become a crappy deal.

She’ll feel that and she’ll never test you as much once she knows that for sure once you’ve put her in her place when she needs to be put in her place for any tests she does provide then she won’t be constantly wondering and testing you to see if you’ve got that strength.

She’ll know deep inside that if she really screws up you’re going to walk. 

So how do you ensure that you can do that or you’re in a position to walk away when needed?

It’s by having a greater purpose and/or passion in your life that is bigger than her or even the relationship. 

A man certainly needs to find or already have a purpose. If you don’t have a purpose in life then you’re going to feel like you’re lost floundering and you’re gonna make a woman your purpose and that’s not good. 

Because that’s when you get dangerously close to being needy and putting her on a pedestal and if you put her on a pedestal she will look down on you. So you need to be able to find your purpose. 

 

Conclusion

This is our attempt to answering the question “what do women want?” I believe these twelve tip detailing what women really want in a man will help you understand, to a large extent what’s really in a woman’s heart.

Guys, you already possess some of these traits naturally. You just need to develop them to make them shine.

Even though these traits that women want in a man are innately within you, life may have given you experiences that may have maybe shaken your foundation a little and you may not have all of these qualities. 

If you don’t have all of these qualities and you want to up your game for yourself, if not for her mostly, then you should look into programs that help you develop these hidden gems in you.

Which of these qualities do you need to work on? Which ones do you possess in abundance and which ones are you lacking in? Let us know in the comments section below.