Table of Contents
- 1 When Should You Start Dating Again After Breaking Up With Your Ex?
- 1.1 Why Dating Another Person Immediately After a Breakup Is A Bad Idea?
- 1.2 Quick Tips On How to Get Tips on How to Love After a Heartbreak
When Should You Start Dating Again After Breaking Up With Your Ex?
Today we’re going to be talking about a very important topic about dating: how to date after a breakup or dating after a breakup. Breakups do happen. You may never think it can happen to your relationship but know that it does happen even to the best and most loving relationships.
And the important thing when it comes to dating after a breakup is a lot of people are a little bit too eager really to start dating after a breakup. Why?
- That’s because they think or believe that if you just continue to grasp for something outside of yourself,
- Grasp for sex from an attractive person,
- Say yes to a date from an attractive person,
- Get validation for an attractive person,
- Get commitment from an attractive person,and so forth,
that somehow that will cure your breakup blues and make you feel better.
You know, there’s even a sage wisdom that says “the best way to get over a breakup is to date 10 other people or do other things with 10 other people”. There’s some truth in there because it might make you feel a little bit better.
However, you need to understand that it’s not going to help you get over your breakup and really learn how to be kind of bullet-proof to that sort of thing in the future because you’re still looking to something outside of yourself to make you feel better. And trust me the external world is going to have an impact on us.
Why Dating Another Person Immediately After a Breakup Is A Bad Idea?
If somebody nice-looking was flirting with me, I would feel pretty good. So here are the reasons why people fall into this trap and why it’s wrong. You should not use it as your metric for how you have moved on from the breakup.
They says things like…
- If this attractive person is going out on a date with me, therefore I’m over my ex.
- Or this person is more attractive than my ex, therefore they’re going to be jealous.
- Or this person is better than my ex, or this person is kinder than my ex
- This relationship that we have now is so much better than my relationship that I had with my ex or something like that.
If these are your yardsticks, then you’re never really free from the relationship that you had with your ex and you’re not really free from the breakup. You’re not out of the woods yet.
In fact, you’re in a rebound relationship and those don’t really tend to work out too well. They often implode and fall apart because there’s a whole lot of emotional unavailability going on there.
The topic of emotional unavailability is a little bit beyond the scope of this article, but just take my word for it. Everybody who is going through a breakup at least initially will be emotionally unavailable for at least a short period of time.
Now, some of those people will bounce back and become emotionally available. People again, who can go on to have great healthy relationships, but some of those people that stay emotionally unavailable are going to have a very difficult time finding commitment.
They’re going to have a very difficult time connecting with others and they’re going to have a very difficult time having a great, wonderful, successful love life. So I don’t want you to do that. I don’t want you to start dating after a breakup too quickly, especially when you’re not fully healed emotionally from the breakup itself.
To completely heal from a heartbreak, you need to work within. Work on yourself and ensure that you have completely been healed from the inside. Don’t prematurely start dating new people, hoping that some new attractive person in your life is going to actually heal you because it’s not.
It’s just gonna agitate that validation-seeking mechanism within you a little bit more and cause you to continue to work outside of yourself for validation and love.
And of course, you know, if that attractive person that you do get to validate you, decided to break up with you later on, then you’re still gonna feel pretty lousy and you’re going to be right back to where you started from and don’t want that happen to you. So please learn how to heal from the breakup the right way so that you can have healthy, wonderful, amazing connections with people.
Quick Tips On How to Get Tips on How to Love After a Heartbreak
So how do you get to a point where you’re feeling so much better, and you’re free from that anguish, and heaviness, that comes from no longer being with them?
1. Understand that you needed to be away from them right now.
Now, I know that sounds crazy and you may have a very hard time wrapping your head around that. The reality is that the relationship ended for a reason. It could have been
- Toxic behavior,
- Or that person or you not being truly ready for that relationship, and where it could or should go
- Or maybe there are some things that you both needed to accomplish in your life and you weren’t doing it because you became so consumed with this individual, this relationship that it was holding you back from your purpose and from achieving great things.
Now, understand something. This doesn’t mean things can’t one day work out between you and them. If it is truly the person you are best to be with.
However, you still have to make sure that you are getting yourself ready and on the right track for whatever is supposed to come in your life. Whether that’s them coming back or that something with your career, something in your spiritual walk, whatever it is.
Shift your focus back to you and what do you need to be doing.
2. Stop trying to fight how you feel
One of the reasons why we prolong our attachment and our feelings for someone is because we’re so busy trying to fight it.
It’s almost like being in quicksand – the more you fight the worse you make it – the deeper you’re sinking in. Don’t fight it. If you love them you love them. If you care about them you care about them.
Even if you’re going through this experience of you’re mad because you still feel for them. Despite them possibly doing something wrong to you. Regardless of that, don’t try to fight how you feel. Flow with your feelings. That doesn’t mean act on them – meaning that doesn’t mean call them right now.
Doesn’t mean try to get back with them right now. It just means accept that’s how you feel but stay focused on what you need to do to fix you.
3. You need to heal completely – forgive
If you want to get over someone then you have to heal from this relationship. Now, what I explained to you just now about recognizing that this was necessary, recognizing that you don’t need to fight your feelings.
These things will help in the healing process but some of the things also included are; forgiveness. Forgiving yourself. You might be holding on to a mistake that you made in the situation that led to the breakup, and you keep beating yourself up.
All you’re doing is making it worse but listen you’re human. We all make mistakes and you can’t continue to dwell on that. You have to accept that what’s done is done, and you have to learn from it, and move forward. Or it may be forgiving them. You’re holding on to what they did to you and you’re having a hard time letting that go, letting that betrayal go, letting that disappointment go.
Again, you have to forgive because forgiveness is your freedom.
4. Enjoy being single again for as long as it lasts
Let me tell you one quick thing about how not to try to get over somebody, and that is by getting under someone else. See you hear that advice a lot. People tell you just go, deal with someone else and go entertain yourself.
Listen, you’re only creating more problems. You’re just trying to add a distraction to your life that would allow you to take mind off that last person, but now, you are bringing this new person into your web of dysfunction.
You’re going to now, eventually, probably hurt them. You can cause greater damage to yourself or create unnecessary drama because you got involved when you weren’t ready for that right now. You’re not there emotionally.
Take this time for yourself. It’s okay to be alone, it’s okay to be single. Take this time for your personal growth, for your healing, and to set yourself up for so much better.
5. Get real with yourself
One more thing I want you to understand. Sometimes you weren’t really in love. You just had an unhealthy attachment. Now, I know you may not want to hear that right now. You may not agree with me right now. You might not be able to see or understand what I’m saying. Please, know that if you came into that relationship unhealed, and you had some dysfunction you never cleared out.
Then there’s a very likely chance that you latched onto that last individual out of the dysfunction. Therefore, it became an unhealthy attachment. So your struggle right now is because you’ve had to detach from this person who in some ways was comfortable to be with, or it may be easier for you in your mind. In reality, you were masking the deeper issue.
Again, you not being with them right now is a blessing because now, you can really dig deep, find out what the issues are.
Address them, correct them, and make sure going forward you’ll end up with the right person, and you’re able to have a healthy and successful relationship.
Those are some quick tips on how to get over someone and work on yourself before you get involved with another person. I know it’s easier said than done and I know there’s a lot of work to be done in what I laid out for you. However, it’s going to be worth it. You can do it. You will overcome this, and I’ll pray that you are going to get the healing that you deserve.
So when should you start dating again after a breakup? I hope you will find these tips useful that you will work on you and know that the right person will come along or they would have worked on themselves and come back to you. All the best!