What Is The Perfect First Date Question to Ask Your Potential Partner?
Is there a perfect first date question you could ask the fella you’re going on date with? To put it another way “what can you ask a man on a first date to know what kind of man he is, and whether or not you should date him?”
You know that question you ask a man that makes you understand his heart and mind. I’m glad you’re reading this because most of the time women young and old miss the point when it comes to the first date and what questions to ask.
It’s something that very few women will find out and unlock their potential man, and when you unlock this thing, it gives you the ability to have what I call “man-ray vision”.
Consider this. You’re on a date with an average man. Your ability to ask him the right question gives you the capacity to see right into his mind, and right into his heart to know exactly what he wants for his love life.
It’s been said that…
“The quality of your life is a direct reflection of the quality of the questions you are asking yourself” – Anthony Robins
And the same is true for your love life. The quality of questions you ask your man determines the quality of your man-ray vision.
I’m going to share with you two types of questions that you can ask that can give you man-ray vision, but before I share these questions, just as important of what these questions are, is your being as how you’re actually asking these questions.
You want to ask these questions from a place of playfulness, like heartiness, fun. You do not want to be the interrogator when you’re asking these questions and super serious. You know what I’m talking about.
You’ve been on dates with the interrogator. Even if not you in particular, you probably hear or read the types of things you should ask your partner when you go on dates. Interrogator questions that go along the lines of:
Why are you still single?
How many dating sites are you on and what are those sites?
How long you been on those sites?
Yeah, you don’t want to be the interrogator.
You want to have light-heartedness, you want to be playful.
Question #1. The Magic Wand Question
The first question that can give you man-ray vision, I call the magic wand question. You want to set this question up the right way. So here’s how you set up this question. You ask the guy, it’s the first date and you say, “Hey, can I ask you a personal question?”
I love that setup, because that’s a pattern in a rap. Not a lot of women are asking him a personal question on the first date in that way, and so it’ll catch his attention and he’ll say, “Yeah, what’s on your mind?”
And then before you ask the question, you want to challenge him and you want to say, “Now before I ask this question, you have to promise me that you’re going to answer this question 100% honest. Promise.” You have a smile, you’re playful, right?”
He’ll say, “Yeah, okay, I promise.” And then you ask him this question.
You say, “If I give you a magic wand and you could create anything you wanted for you love life, I mean anything, what would you want for your love life?”
Toss him that question and see how he responds.
Now, what’s great about this question, is that you’ve set the stage for him to be 100% honest.
Most men are going to take you up on that. Then as he answers, you want to look for three things. I call these the three Cs.
The first C is clarity. You want to look for how clear is he on what he wants. Does he already know? Is he giving you a clear, concise answer, which means he’s done some thinking about this. Means he’s invested in the answer that he’s giving you because he’s already thought about it.
Or is he winging it, is he making it up on the moment? Is he saying, “I’m not really sure what I want.” He hasn’t put a lot of energy into it. The amount of energy he’s put in to pre-thinking, envisioning what he wants, is a direct relationship to how much energy he’s going to invest in that relationship.
The second C is congruence. This is, does his words and his being-ness line up? Do they match? Are they congruent? Is he telling you his authentic desire, his authentic want for his love life, or is he just feeding you what he thinks you want to hear? You can feel this, you can know whether or not he’s being congruent.
The third C is consciousness.
Here’s what I mean by consciousness. Is he a giver or is he a taker? Notice, read the energy as he’s describing why he wants and what he wants in a relationship.
Why he wants that relationship. Is it to fill a void, something that missing, someone to watch the kids, someone to partner with, someone that he can have to do things with? Is it more of a taking energy or is it more of a partnership energy?
He wants to share his already amazing life with someone. This question will give you clarity on what he wants for his love life, and how open he is to having a relationship.
Question #2: Value-Based Question Strategy
The second question strategy is to, instead of fishing for facts, search for values. Unfortunately, most of us when we go on dates and we haven’t been taught better, we fish for facts, and facts are boring.
You feel it, and I feel it when we go on dates. The person will say, you know the usual questions you ask on a date, such as…
“Oh, what do you do for a living?
Where do you live?
Where did you grow up?
How many brothers and sisters do you have?
It’s boring, isn’t it?
It actually doesn’t give us any information about the person. Instead of fishing for facts, search for values. In other words, why does he do what he does? What are his internal motivations? What are his internal drivers?
When you’re able to understand his internal drivers, you know a whole lot more about what he values in his life. The best way to search for values is ask him why questions.
Not just what does he do, but why does he do it? So he tells you where he works. And you say, “Oh, why did you choose that job?” He’ll tell you his reasoning, and here’s what’s great. He will either tell you a reason that’s vision driven, or tell you a reason that’s based in circumstances.
He’ll either say, “Oh, I’ve wanted to work at that spot. It’s my dream job, it’s what I always wanted to do, or it’s the job that’s going to lead me to what I’ve always wanted to do and I’m so passionate about this particular thing.”
Or he’s going to say, “Well, it was really the best I could get at the time and they had an opening, so I kinda fell into it, and now I’m just doing it.” Is he a creator or is he a victim of circumstances? It’s going to tell you a whole lot about what drives him and his mindset when you ask why questions.
Another nuanced way to ask a why question without simply being direct “Why did you choose that?” is to ask the question, “What caused you to choose that?” If you say, “Oh, you live in this area, what was it that caused you choose that location?”
He’ll say, “Oh my gosh, I love this spot, it’s got this cool little restaurant right down the way, I can walk. It’s got this great park where I can play with my dog, and my mom lives just 15 minutes from there and she’s getting older.
That way I can help take care of her.” You’re able to see right into his heart what matters to him. That his family matters to him. His dog matters to him. It’s going to give you that man-ray vision that you’re looking for.
There you have it. Two types of questions. The magic wand question, and then instead of fishing for facts, search for values. When you do those two things, you will totally increase your ability to see right into his heart and his mind and increase your own man-ray vision.
Now I know at the beginning of our conversation I told you it was the perfect first date question, the one question you need to ask. Just take it that it’s two-in-one question.
Now, I would love to hear from you, because I know you have your own unique experiences. What questions have you asked that actually reveal the most from the person that you’re dating? Was it on the first date, second or third date? Go ahead and post that question below and remember to check back on our blog for new and interesting discussions.